Starry Eyed
by burn my mind
Summary: She knows that she wants him, that she lusts after him, that she can't stand a world without him. She needs Dan Humphrey. Who would of thought? DB with CB, LB and NB undertones. One shot.


**Title: **Starry Eyed.

**Summary: **She knows that she wants him, that she lusts after him, that she can't stand a world without him. She needs Dan Humphrey. Who would of thought? DB with CB, LB and NB undertones. One shot.

**Authors Note: **I'm a CB shipper, I don't like DB. It's got a dark nature and I don't know if anyone will really enjoy it. DB shippers will probably think it's all wrong and weird and stupid and CB shippers will probably hate the DB pairing but I intend to have fun writing it. This is more me dealing with the fact that Blair was in a relationship with Dan when Dan should of been off marrying Georgina. Enough said. Could you give it a shot anyway? Please for me?

**Disclaimer: **I own Chace Crawford and that is all.

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She wants it to go away. All of it.

So she fucks Humphrey in a hotel room, in an elevator, in an alley way, in the dark streets of New York, in her bedroom, in his. With her ring, without it. She just wants it to go away. She just wants to forget.

She accepts breakfast in bed with a gracious smile and kisses Dan on the lips, her tongue sliding over his teeth sending chills down his spine. His girlfriend is _Blair Waldorf_, who would of thought?

She thinks she might love him but it can't be _love_. Blair Waldorf doesn't _love _anyone. She loathes them, she likes them, she hates them, she accepts them, she detests them, she enjoys them but she doesn't love them. It's not in her nature, not anymore, not after everything that's happened.

She knows that she wants him, that she lusts after him, that she can't stand a world without him. She needs _Dan Humphrey_, who would of thought?

She ignores Serena's calls and the sad, heartbroken looks she shoots the two of them as they descend the stairs clad in (matching) robes. She kisses Dan on the cheek in the mornings, mumbles sleepy hello's and intertwines their legs together.

She can't help the nagging in the back of her mind, the familiarity of the situation. (An Empire and Palace long forgotten, fit for a Prince or a King, or both. Mornings with a dark knight where everything was bliss and contentment and _love_.)

She tries to forget with that writer from Brooklyn with the messy hair that she tries to control and it works. If only for a little while because her dark knight comes crashing back into her life and accusations are sent his way and she ignores the heartbreak in his eyes.

And Dan he's perfect. He likes the same films, the same literature, he's someone she can discuss _real _things with and he's better than all of her other boyfriends. Nate never paid enough attention to her, not the attention she deserved, he wasted it on her prettier best friend. Marcus, he was fucking his step mother behind his girlfriends back. Chuck had hurt her too many times to count, he wasn't good for her, didn't treat her right and all they did was play games and have sex. Louis was too sweet for her, he then turned sour.

But Dan. Oh golly, he was perfect. They shared the same mind, he _knew _her, he loved her and the sex was good, no it was great. She enjoyed spending time with him, reveled in the loving looks he shot her way, in his embrace. Just because he was poor and from _Brooklyn_ and couldn't really dress didn't mean he was an awful human being. He treated her right, the way a princess should be treated.

Even though he had once loved her blonde best friend with her endless long legs and sex appeal didn't mean that he shot her lovey-dovey looks and worshiped her with his eyes or wished for her to be in his bed. No, he barely glanced at Serena anymore.

And Blair didn't care that she was hurting everybody she cared about with this new found romance. (Even Nate was apparently hurt, torn between Chuck, Dan and Serena. The poor confused soul, bless his heart.)

Blair tries taking Dan out for nights on the town, to Gala's but she decides it's better to stay at home, curled up in bed, watching _Rosemary's Baby_. He can't dress, she doesn't like the looks her friends give her and she _hates _the way everybody seems to like talking to Dan more than her. Firstly, she didn't want to be Chuck Bass' girlfriend because that's all she would ever be and then she married a prince. A prince! _All she would be known for would be for the fact that she was Louis' wife! _A princess! And now she's with Dan, and she's just Dan Humphrey's girlfriend.

She's Blair Waldorf but she's forgotten who that was.

("This isn't you!" Serena finally explodes one night, her eyes dark with anger, her lips downwards with a frown. Dan's lips open in shock and Blair purses them, awaiting the upcoming slaughter. "Parading around with Dan Humphrey! You hate him!" She screeches, sending her plate flying towards Blair. Blair ducks and lets it hit the wall behind her, they hear it smash, crash and Serena's running to the elevator, tears pouring out of her pretty blue eyes and she's fleeing into her step brothers arms. Blair looks away, she can't bear to see them together because there's no doubt in her mind that they'll be fucking each other later tonight. Serena's always wanted it all, every eye on her. She'll cause a scene to get what she wants and Blair's has learned not to respond to her outbursts, her cries for attention. She goes on eating her dinner, while Dan sits there in shock.)

Blair has come to love the loft this past year, it's been where she's gone to hide when the fact that she's not only going to be married, be a mother but a princess as well becomes to much for her. She guesses now that her relationship with Louis is over, Dan's become her new hiding spot.

They go out one night, Dan dolled up in a Hugo Boss suit that once belonged to Chuck. (Blair doesn't mention this to Dan who was sure to have a fit, he asks why there's a flask hidden in the jacket's pocket but she waves it off as her being generous with a small wink, her hands on the lapels and her lips on his.)

She wears red, blood red, flashing red, attention grabbing red and the dress flaunts off her legs. Herve Ledger really does make the best bandage dresses, the best dress to catch a man's eye and have him grabbing at every single piece of your flesh within seconds.

And she tries not to wince when Dan's lips land upon her neck, the very same spot that Chu- the _devil _used to love. (And probably still does.)

She's got the perfect girlfriend routine down to a perfect T, she's being playing the part since she was five years old and sending Nate adoring glances. The bulimia comes and goes and a finger down the throat seems like nothing anymore, she washes away the vomit and the shame and ignores the burning feeling in her throat as she ravishes Dan's mouth and talks to him about _This Side of Paradise_.

She realizes with a start late at night that Dan is the new Nate, just a less groomed, preppy version. Well, he might not be exactly Nate because Nate and Blair never used to talk about anything that meant Nate needed to use his pot filled brain. But, Blair's become the Blair she was when she was with Nate. When she was with Louis, when she was with Marcus.

It's pleasing all the time. Yet, it isn't pleasing all the time because she doesn't notice it. It's become a habit, something she doesn't even realize. Yet, she's happy. Happier than she's _ever _been, she gushes to Serena whose forcing a smile on her face because the blonde _isn't _happy. Dan's off with Blair and Nate's off with Lola and she's spending more time with Chuck Bass than what is deemed healthy.

And then Dan goes and ruins it when he confesses his (undying) love to Blair, who tries her best not to spew all over his commercial store brought shoes and directs the topic to food. (Food that she will more or less end up vomiting later in the night when Dan's fast asleep, his light snores filling up his apartment or hers.)

Dan forgets about it, brushes it off and makes up a million excuses as why Blair didn't say those three words eight letters back to him.

(Because it took Chuck a year to say it, because I said it to Nate every single day for most of my life, because Louis said it too soon, too fast, because I don't want to ruin what we have by throwing meaningless words around.)

Their relationship is over before she knows it, crushing and burning and going up in flames because she's run back off to Chuck who decides he doesn't want to be with her. It's always like this, it's just a game, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. I'm ready, I'm not. I love you, I can't say those words. She fights for him, forgets to break up with Dan, fights for him some more, has sex with him for a week and a half straight and then doesn't seem him for the rest of the summer.

Her fingers type out emails to Dan.

_(I'm sorry, forgive me. Dan, you don't understand. You never will. It's always been Chuck for me, he's it. We hit bumps in the road, that's all you were and I'm sorry you got caught up in this whole mess. I enjoyed your company and mind. I should of broken it off in person.)_

And he doesn't bother reading a single one. He goes off to Rome with Georgina, letting his imagination fly off with ideas of Blair and him riding a vespa, Roman Holiday style. He focuses on his new novel, a tell all about the Upper East Side and their bad ideas and selfish personality's. He makes Serena the star, seeing as she complained about Blair being the star of _Inside_. He makes everything bad, badder, worse, worser. He keeps names and identity's and doesn't leave _any _detail out. He goes in depth about his ex-girlfriends fears and insecurities that he had gained knowledge of when they were _just friends_.

Blair ignores everything that reminds her of Dan, and of Chuck. She loves Chuck, cringes at the dirty word and lets her mind wander off to fantasy's of the two of them being wed and raising nine brats together. Her, ruling the fashion empire. Him, ruling the business empire.

She ignores the pain beating in her chest when she hears the name Dan or Daniel, or Humphrey in passing. She can't watch _Sabrina _or _Casablanca _because of Humphrey Bogart. She doesn't love Dan, she just feels _sorry _for him. She lead him on, fooled him into believing that she loved him when she only cared about him. As a friend, as a boyfriend, as a potential second husband.

"Maybe he'll be your third," Nate replies bitterly when she complains about her troubles on the phone with him. Nate doesn't even trust her anymore, something about him seeing Chuck break and break and break all over again. She rolls her eyes because if she remembers correctly Chuck broke her first. He smashed her until she was too far gone, he hurt her until she couldn't think or breath properly. He _ruined_ her, turned her into damaged goods.

And,

Nate thinks that she'll marry Chuck only to divorce him and run off with Humphrey? As _if_. She's waited too long for this, to be with Chuck, to get her happy ever after. Dan was a distraction, that's all.

"Long time, no see." He greets coldly, sometime after she's married to Chuck and has been impregnated by his spawn. He's back with Serena, or shared another drunken one night stand with her. Has outed himself as Gossip Girl, _"Oh you know you love me," _and has avoided Blair since she dumped him last Spring, early Summer.

"Dan," She greets, her voice is laced with happiness and joy and tinge of sadness. Her hands rest on her stomach, no bump in sight for those not knowing what they're looking for. Dan doesn't know but he guesses, his eyes soften and his lips curl downwards in a sad frown.

"It could of been us," His voice is all sadness and it crushes Blair to her very core. She nods her head, brushes a strand of hair away from her eyes.

"But I'm glad it's not." She states, enveloping him in a crushing hug that leaves him breathless. She thinks she could of loved him, under different circumstances.

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**A\N: I love this. I'm not a DB fan in the slightest, as mentioned and it's dark, twisted and has a happy reunion (sort of). Feedback would be lovely.  
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